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ffuturesContinuing my Harry Potter / DC crossover, previous parts on any of these archives:
On Fanfiction.net
On Archive of Our Own
On Twisting the Hellmouth
XXXI: We Can Rule You Wholesale
"How are you feeling?" Neville asked the following morning.
"Weird," said Harry, helping himself to more bacon, "like my whole life revolved around getting one thing done, and now it's done and I really have no idea what comes next."
"I know what you mean. I actually killed Bellatrix LeStrange, got some revenge for my parents. They're not going to get any better though, are they?"
"Actually the whole lot are dead now; Rabastan died at Malfoy Manor, I think Mazikeen got him, and I heard Rodolphus was killed by the centaurs. Don't think there's any of them left now, unless it's a distant relative."
"Any idea what Mazikeen likes, or centaurs? I'll get them gift boxes or something."
"No idea about Mazikeen," said Diana, who was now wearing a grey dress with her lassoo as the belt. She took one of the empty seats and helped herself to kippers. "Centaurs like wine but you might want to be careful, they don't hold their drink well. The biggest massacre in centaur history was a fight at a wedding, when one family tried to steal another's wine."
Steve sat down next to her and took sausages, bacon, scrambled eggs, fried tomatoes, beans and toast. "They're interested in astronomy too," he said as he was cutting his food into bite-sized pieces, "the tribe in Arizona have subscriptions to the wizarding astronomy journals, and some of the no-maj ones too. But Diana's right about the booze, there were some problems because their territory overlapped native American lands where selling alcohol was illegal. Anything interesting happen overnight?"
"Professor Sprout said the Minister and Percy Weasley left really early this morning," said Neville. "I expect they've gone to the Ministry to sort things out. Fred and George left too."
"I hope they had some protection," said Harry, "there are probably still Death Eaters on the loose."
"There were some aurors with the Minister wearing ICW badges."
"Oh, okay, must be something Percy arranged, I suppose, he's been working with the ICW. And Fred and George can probably take care of themselves. With all of the top Death Eaters dead it should be a lot safer anyway."
"Reminds me, which of the LeStranges died first?" asked Lavender Brown, whose breakfast seemed to consist largely of fruit. "If there's an estate it might be important."
"Rabastan first, at Malfoy Manor," said Harry, "Rodolphus second, if he was killed before the battle ended, and Bellatrix last."
"That probably means Bellatrix's heir gets everything, and if there isn't an heir... not sure, but it might mean that the estate goes to Andromeda Tonks or Narcissa Malfoy, they were her sisters."
"Hope it's Andromeda," said Harry. "Her husband's muggle-born and last I heard they were on the run, they'll probably need the money to get back to normal. But I think she was disinherited by the Blacks. How do you know so much about them?"
"I've been thinking about a career in wizarding law, there was a really complicated inheritance case in the sixties. They spent a fortune sueing each other, in the end the lawyers were the only winners. I looked up the LeStrange and Black family trees when I was reading about it."
"I think I heard about that," said Neville. "Something about some baby that died when a muggle liner sank?"
"That's the one. It was really tragic, and mostly about people who were dead decades before the case went to court. A complete waste of time and money. After that the family was short of money, which is why Rodolphus eventually courted Bellatrix rather than someone who was... well, more or less sane. She was a Black, and they were rolling in it."
"What happened about that anyway?" asked Neville. "Is there a Black heir?"
"I inherited Sirius's house and a few thousand galleons," said Harry, "but I'm not the family's heir apart from that, as far as I know. I don't think there's any vast fortune anyway, the other Blacks gave most of it to Voldemort."
"The house might be entailed, if so Sirius probably couldn't have left it to you if there was another heir," said Lavender. "Ask the goblins, you might be in line for more."
"I suppose, but I'd sooner it went to Andromeda." Harry ate a little more, then turned to Diana. "What happened about Mazekeen?"
"Nothing so far. I asked the centaurs this morning, nobody's seen her since last night. I still need to settle matters with her, I'd rather not be blind-sided if she waits to attack me."
"Maybe it won't come to that. Anyway, did you see the Prophet this morning?"
"No. Anything interesting?"
Harry showed her the paper and grinned "Take a look at the headlines. They didn't even know what happened!"
SINISTER PLOT TO ISOLATE MAGICAL COMMUNITIES! FLOO FAILURES LINKED TO UNDESIRABLES!
HIPPOGRIFFS ATE MY KNEAZLES! HOGWARTS ATTACK ON STUDENT COVERED UP BY DUMBLEDORE!
PROPHET POTIONS PROBE CLEARS HOLYHEAD HARPIES! GWYNOG JONES DEFINITELY A WITCH!
CURSE-BREAKERS CONCLUDE "CANNONS ARE CRAP!"
Steve laughed. "The next issue ought to be entertaining. Bet they won't acknowledge their mistakes!"
"They're right about the Cannons though, I really don't know what Ron sees in them."
"Hello Harry."
Harry turned and got up. "Hi, Ginny. How have you been?" She was wearing jeans, trainers, and a Gryffindor jumper, and had a length of sticking-plaster on her cheek. "What happened to your face? Are you okay?"
"It's just a scratch, I got hit by a bit of stone from a blasting hex last night." She hugged him for a moment and said "It's been difficult. The Carrows didn't treat us well, especially anyone they thought was your friend. Poor Luna had it worst, she went out of her way to distract them from other people."
"I need to go to the infirmary and make sure she's okay."
"I just came from there; she's fine, or will be with more rest. Same for Hermione. I heard your scar was cured..." She lifted a lock of his hair. "That's looking a lot better. What happened?"
"Long story. What about Ron?"
"They're still potioning him, and talking about getting specialised healers from St. Mungos once the floo's working again."
"Damn. I hope he'll be okay."
While they were talking Neville moved over a seat so that there was a space next to Harry, and Ginny sat down and helped herself to cornflakes.
"Ginny, I'd like to introduce you to Princess Diana of Themiscrya and Steve Trevor. Diana, Steve, this is Ron's sister Ginny. She taught me that bat bogey hex and a lot of the other spells I used on Riddle."
"Hello," said Ginny, looking a little uncertain.
"It's nice to meet you," said Diana, "I just wish the circumstances were better."
"Don't be ridiculous, Ron's probably going to be okay and you and Harry just got rid of Voldemort, that bastard possessed me for most of a year. Are you sure that he's gone for good this time?"
"Certain, my uncle has guaranteed it."
"How does he know? Is he a seer?"
"Ginny," said Harry, "Diana's a demigodess. Her uncle is Hades. If he says Tom's completely dead you can believe it. The bastard's gone for good!"
"Oh, thank Merlin... Wait a minute, a demigoddess? Seriously?"
"Seriously," said Diana. "My mother is Queen Hippolyta of the Amazons, my father is Zeus." There were startled glances from some of the other Gryffindors, who were hearing this for the first time.
"And Harry just walked up to you and said 'Do you want to help me destroy an evil wizard?' or something?"
"We accidentally portkeyed into Diana's house a couple of weeks ago," said Harry. "It's a long story."
"And Ron was with you when you did this?"
"Yes, why not?"
"I don't know much about demigoddesses, but you must have the patience of a saint if you put up with him for more than a couple of hours."
Diana shrugged. "He was a little suspicious at first, but reasonably polite once we got to know each other."
"Bloody hell! Hermione must have put some serious time into training him to be a bit more civilized."
"She does seem to have a way with the weaker sex."
"Hey!" said Steve.
"No argument from me," said Harry, "I wouldn't dare. Every woman I know kicks arse, especially Ginny and Hermione."
"You have him well trained," said Diana.
Ginny nodded graciously. "It's a work in progress, but we're getting there."
Neville started laughing, then stopped as Ginny and Hannah glared at him.
A small flock of owls flew in, each of them carrying a rolled-up paper. One of them flew to Harry, and he tipped it a sickle and unrolled a special issue of the Quibbler:
POTTER AND PRINCESS VANQUISH VOLDEMORT!
DEATH-EATERS, DEMENTORS AND DEMON DEFEATED!
HUGE BATTLE AT HOGWARTS CLAIMS MANY LIVES: NO SNORKAKS HURT!
The cover photo showed some of the prisoners and their guards, with most of the prisoners looking villainous and trying to hide their faces from the camera. "Looks like they're a bit more on the ball than the Prophet. Wonder how they found out so fast?"
"I sent a patronus to Luna's dad as soon as I was sure she was out of danger, of course," said Ginny. "He got here twenty minutes later, visited Luna, took a few pictures and got statements from the Head and the Minister, then went home and put a special issue together."
"That's pretty good going," said Steve, "though I'm surprised he didn't interview Diana or Harry."
"I think you'd all gone to bed," said Neville, "it was about two by the time he was finished."
"There'll probably be more reporters here soon," said Ginny. "We're just lucky that it's a long way to apparate and the floo is still down. If we were closer to London the Prophet would be all over us. Anyway, I hope things are a bit more sorted by Friday."
"Why Friday?" asked Diana.
"Hermione's birthday. She'll be eighteen."
"Reminds me," said Harry, "her present's in my suitcase, and that's still in that motel in Salisbury. It's a bit far to apparate safely."
"When John's around I'll get him to open one of his portals to my car, then back here once I've collected everyone's luggage and checked out. Has anyone seen him this morning?"
"Not yet. He was using a lot of magic last night, I suppose he was pretty tired. I expect that once he's up they'll want him to open a portal to get the people they evacuated, so we might have to leave the luggage until later."
Another flock of owls visited the evacuees in the Forest of Dean at around the same time.
"What the hell?" said Daphne, scanning the Quibbler headlines. "Demon summoning? What sort of idiot summons demons?"
"Says here it was the Dark Lord," said Rose Zeller, reading another copy. "Explains quite a lot, maybe he sold his nose for satanic powers. Harry Potter killed him again, maybe this time he'll stay dead."
Daphne showed part of the story to Pansy. "I think you'd better forget about marrying Draco. Lucius is dead, nobody's sure what happened to Draco and Narcissa, and Malfoy Manor collapsed last night. Pretty sure your dad will want to call off the engagement."
Pansy began to sob, and Daphne patted her back.
"It might not be that bad," said Rose. "You can't trust the Quibbler. Look, they're claiming here that that weird woman in bronze armour we saw last night is Princess Diana, and a demigoddess. That's bonkers. Everyone knows Princess Diana was killed a couple of weeks ago."
"Not the muggle Princess Diana," said Daphne. "It says this one's a princess of Themiscyra, that's the original Amazon homeland, and the legends say their queen was seduced by Zeus. There could be something in it. It might be interesting if it's true, Dad was looking for more marketing opportunities in that area. Oh, hang on, it says they don't allow men on their island. Interesting..."
"Really?"
"Dad would have to appoint a woman to manage business with them. Dad's been teaching me the business for a few years now, that would be a great way to get started."
"Always assuming they want to buy anything you're selling."
"There is that, I suppose. I'll try to have a word with her once we're back in the castle, do a little market research."
Pansy wiped her eyes. "The thing is... I think my father might have been at Malfoy Manor or Hogwarts last night. And he isn't in the pictures of the prisoners."
"Oh crap. Was he marked?"
Pansy nodded.
"But you're not?"
"No."
"That's good. Once we get out of here talk to Sluggy, see if he can help at all. He was head of Slytherin in eighty-one, he must have had a lot of people in your boat then. He might be able to pull a few strings."
One of the Ravenclaw prefects blew a whistle and shouted for attention. "Listen everyone, Professor McGonegall just sent a patronus. We need to be packed and ready to leave at eleven-thirty, they're going to open another of those portals. Everyone please get ready, and check that there's nothing left here that might cause problems with the muggles, we'll have to take down the wards as we leave."
"About bloody time," said Rose. "Okay, we've got an hour or so, start by checking around where you slept, and accio all your belongings, that ought to account for most things. And for Merlin's sake don't leave your wand behind! Ollivander disappeared somewhere, you might have a hard time getting a replacement. Once we're okay we'd better help make sure the younger kids are all right, half of them won't know the summoning spell yet."
"Fun, fun, fun," said Daphne. "Pansy, let me give you a hand..."
"Zurich approved your suggestion with a few small changes," said Tonguetongs, "it ties in nicely with the contingency plans we developed after Fudge took office. Assuming all goes well your promotion should be confirmed by the end of next month."
"And if it doesn't?" asked Switchblade.
Tonguetongs pursed his lips and made a "tsk" noise. "That might be... unfortunate. For your prospects, and for your continued health, as I'm sure you are fully aware."
Switchblade nodded respectfully. "I am."
"Excellent. Now, I'm assigning you to the Hogwarts team, they'll be ready to leave in a few minutes. Please bear in mind that the students are potential customers, and try not to maim anyone."
Switchblade cracked his knuckles. "Of course."
"And that applies to the rest of the team too. I'm holding you responsible if there are any mishaps."
"Naturally."
"Lastly, make sure that Potter is on board with handing over the prisoners; you may need to make a few concessions, it isn't exactly what we originally agreed but we definitely need him on board, a lot may depend on it. He's probably the biggest hero the wizards have right now, we need him on our side when we negotiate. Understood?"
"Understood."
Tonguetongs handed Switchblade a scroll case with the Gringotts crest above the lock. "Good. Here are the papers you'll need. Oh, and welcome to the management team. Now get moving, you've a portkey to catch."
Harry was returning to the guest rooms when Minerva caught up with him.
"Here's your timetable, Mister Potter. Normal lessons will resume on Monday. You've missed two weeks of lessons, I would suggest using the remainder of this week to get up to speed as time permits. Here's the book list and an owl order form for any you need, and this is a list of the topics covered in the lessons you've missed."
Harry scanned the papers. "Okay, that should be doable, Hermione was giving us some tuition while we were on the run so we shouldn't be too far behind. Defence is Monday afternoon though... I'm pretty sure Carrow was rounded up with the prisoners last night, who's going to be teaching it?"
"Professor Flitwick will be teaching NEWT classes pending the appointment of a replacement. He's an experienced duellist. Other teachers will share the lower years. It will be difficult but we should cope."
"Great, he ought to be brilliant. Any ideas on the replacement?"
"I was hoping to get Professor Lupin back, but given that last night was the full moon it might be a day or two before he's up to replying to my owl."
"That would be great but there might be a complication. I don't know if you heard, Tonks is pregnant."
"That was fast! I hadn't heard from them, that's excellent news. We have accommodation for married staff and Poppy Pomfrey is a fully-qualified midwife so that shouldn't be a problem. Nymphadora might even be able to do a little teaching, you never know. But I really must get on, mister Constantine will be opening his portal again in twenty minutes, and the elves are still sorting out dormitories for the Ravenclaws while their tower is being rebuilt. That reminds me, Madame Pomfrey has stressed that you need to get some rest, and I should imagine that things in the dorms will be rather boisterous for the first few evenings. Stay in the guest room for now, we can get you moved back in at the weekend."
"Okay, Professor."
"One more thing... I don't think that any of the prefects appointed by Professor Snape will be continuing in that role. Since Mister Weasley was a prefect last year I would have offered him the position again, but it's likely that he will need several weeks to convalesce. If that is the case would you be willing to take his place?"
Harry thought for a second. "I'm not sure it's a good idea. I've a feeling that the Wizengamut will want me to answer a lot of questions while they're sorting this mess, I'm not sure I'd be able to handle being a prefect too. And I think someone else had better take over as Quidditch captain for the same reason. Um... how about Neville for the prefect job? And Ginny for captain?"
"Those aren't bad idea. Now, I must be on my way."
"Do you mind if I come down and watch?"
"By all means. But be careful, it's possible that some of the returning students will be... well, unhappy with the way things have come out."
"Let's hope they'll be relieved it's all over."
As Minerva and Harry went down to the Great Hall an invisible figure spoke to the gargoyle that controlled access to the Head's office, trying several words and phrases before succeeding with "Scottish tablet," a type of toffee she knew Minerva liked. It moved to one side, and the figure rose up with the stairs, casting muffling spells into the office, tapped the ornament that lowered shutters over the paintings, then moved to Dumbledore's portrait, cast another spell isolating it so that his image couldn't move out and no other portrait could move in, raised the shutter and said "Hello, Headmaster."
"Miss Granger? I can't see you."
"No, Headmaster. I've been asked to handle a problem, and I'd prefer not to do it in front of witnesses. I'm sorry, but it really is for the greater good."
"Would you at least tell me what this is about?"
"The Deathly Hallows. You still believe that they're real."
"Of course they're real, I've seen all three of them."
"You've seen a wand that drives its user mad, a stone that gives its user a limited ability to summon the souls of the dead, and an improved cloak of invisibility. And you've believed a fairy tale... Death didn't make them or give them away, she wasn't even interested in the wand or the cloak. There's no connection between the three, apart from Beedle the bloody Bard, who mashed together three old stories that originally had nothing in common and put the blame on Death."
"I can't accept that, the evidence is overwhelming..."
"What evidence? There's nothing left except the cloak and a bunch of amateur historians and folklorists who think everything has to be related. Did you even bother to find the original story of the wand? It took Diana about three minutes to look it up, it has nothing to do with Death, and it's a lot more convincing than Beedle's kiddie version."
"Nonsense!"
"The trouble is that you know that Harry could have had all three of them, which didn't actually happens but means that you probably think that he's the Master of Death. And Death really isn't happy about that - not because it endangers Harry, she really doesn't play favourites, but because it's an idea that keeps getting people killed, and makes people annoy her by trying to trick her. If someone takes it seriously and tries to take the Hallows from Harry it'll just start another long history of pointless murder. Fortunately only you and Snape knew that he had them, and by now Snape is headed off to whatever afterlife he's destined for."
"How do you know?"
"Death told me, of course."
"Then ownership of the Hallows passed to you!"
"Nope. I told you, Death had the stone before we even saw the Wand, and that was destroyed at Malfoy Manor without any of us even touching it. And they were never really a set anyway. Now you won't change your mind, I'm afraid, because you aren't actually a real person, you're a recording. So I'm going to have to change it for you. A couple of Confundus spells and Obliviations should convince you that you wasted decades on a wild goose chase, and you'll say that if anyone mentions the story. But I think I need to give you some other ideas that you might have got interested in towards the end of your life. Hmmm... you like sweets, what's your opinion of the Rotfang Conspiracy...?"
"Headmistress," said Filch, scurrying to meet them outside the Great Hall, followed by six aurors and a dozen or so goblins, most of them carrying probity probes, "the Minister sent a security team."
Minerva arched an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Eamon Quinn," said one of the aurors, with a strong Irish accent, "we're with the ICW peacekeeping force assigned to Britain. And these gentlemen work for Gringotts, they'll be helping with security."
"Junior Manager Switchblade," said one of the goblins, who was wearing dragonhide armour with a battle-axe sheathed on his back, and carrying a scroll case. "We're here to help check for contraband, and I have some papers for Mister Potter to sign. Is he around?"
"That's me," said Harry.
He looked at Harry and nodded. "So it is. Last night you left some prisoners in Gringotts custody. The ICW aurors want to question them, I need you to sign off on Gringotts handing them over."
Harry thought fast. "Doesn't that affect the contract we negotiated last night?"
"The ICW has agreed to pay for their accommodation and provisions while they were in our custody, so there won't be any charges in that respect. All other conditions remain unchanged."
"Is that the best you can do?"
Switchblade sucked his teeth thoughtfully. "As a gesture of good will Gringotts is willing to reduce your commitment to two advertisements, one interview, not with Rita Skeeter, and one poster."
"One advertisement, one interview, no posters."
"One advertisement, one interview, one poster. Best I can do."
Harry thought for a moment. "Okay, I can live with that. What do I have to sign?"
"Mister Potter," said Minerva, "Junior Manager Switchblade, is this really the time? Mister Constantine will be retrieving most of our students in a few minutes."
"There is always time for business, Headmistress." Switchblade tapped the scroll case on the floor and it transformed into a small table with a copy of the contract and a quill sitting on it. "Let's see... cancel the charges, one advertisement, one interview, one poster." He snapped his fingers and the wording changed. "Sign there, and initial there and there. This is a blood quill, so it may sting a little."
"I know. What happens if you snap your fingers again after I've signed?"
Switchblade looked offended. "Wouldn't work, the signatures lock the contract."
"Five minutes!" shouted Constantine.
"Okay," said Harry, signing as directed.
Switchblade signed for the bank. "Pleasure doing business with you, Mister Potter." He tapped the contract and it rolled into a scroll, and the table turned back into a tube around it. "London office!" The tube vanished. "Right then, let's get into the hall."
Harry followed them, wondering if he should have mentioned the Malfoys, and decided that he'd wait to see how the prisoners were being treated. It would be pointless handing them over if they were going to use the Imperius defence to escape justice, and if they were summarily executed... well, he'd have to think very carefully before handing them over. Though it would solve a lot of problems...
The aurors set up magical barriers around the hall. When they were done there was some space for the arriving students, with four narrow corridors leading to the main exit, each closed by gates guarded by an auror and two goblins with spears or probity probes. Constantine was in the middle of the hall, Switchblade and the remaining aurors waited outside the barrier, along with Harry and Minerva. The rest of the goblins were in the hall with Constantine, and Harry guessed they were there to defend him if anyone tried to attack him.
"Okay," shouted Constantine, making a complicated gesture which somehow left a trail of golden light, forming a strange geometric pattern in the air. Just looking at it made Harry's eyes water. Constantine touched two of the lines and seemed to manipulate them somehow, and a portal appeared in place of the pattern, a circular hole in the air about eight feet wide and high, with the Forest of Dean visible beyond it. Constantine whistled loudly, then shouted "Everyone come through as quick as you can, but don't touch the edges of the portal unless you want to lose fingers. Come on, I haven't got all bloody day, this is hard work." He stood back a few feet from the portal with his arms stretched, and Harry guessed that he was holding it open. His hands were glowing with the same golden light.
The first students came through, and soon they were milling around in the hall. Anyone who came too near to Constantine was waved back by the goblins. After a couple of minutes the flood of students slowed to a trickle. "Anyone left?" asked Constantine.
"No, that's everyone."
"Right, let's have the house elves," said Quinn. Twenty or more house elves appeared in the hall, and he said "Get through there and make sure that no kids are staying behind, recover any property that's been left, then take the barriers down. Can you get back by yourselves if I close the portal?" They went through into the forest, and one of the elves came back and said "Yes, elves can do that."
"Good lads. Right, hop back through there and everyone stand well clear, shut it down once they're clear." Constantine clapped his hands together and the golden light flew back to the portal, which closed in a few seconds. He and the goblins headed for one of the exits.
Quinn cast "Sonorus" then said "Right, everyone listen carefully. We need to check everyone for contraband before you return to your dormitories. We're going to start with the first years then second and so on. First years, form orderly queues at the exits, you'll be let through one at a time, checked with probity probes then let through into the castle. If you're carrying anything that registers as a weapon or dark magic you will be portkeyed to a holding area for questioning. If you're in doubt I'd strongly suggest showing the aurors what you're carrying. We're not interested in prank items, that's the school's problem. Any questions?"
One of the second-year Ravenclaws said "What about dung bombs and fanged frisbees?"
"Prank items. Any serious questions? No... Right then, come through one at a time as the goblins let you pass." He ended the amplification spell, and the students began to pass through.
"I can't believe that there were nine Death Eaters in the sixth and seventh years," said Hermione.
"Sixteen," said Harry, "Snape's ghost got Peeves to drug another seven in the Slytherin dungeons before they evacuated."
"I can believe Cormac as one of them, he was always an arse, but Sally-Anne Perks? She was always really quiet, you hardly knew she was there most of the time, I didn't even know she was a pure-blood. Of course they held her back a year when she missed the summer term and all her OWLs, that can't have helped."
"What was that about? Nobody ever really said."
"Word was she had a nervous breakdown over the Easter break and ran away from home, they eventually caught up with her after the muggle police arrested her for possession of drugs at the Notting Hill Carnival that August. She wasn't in a fit state to take late OWLs at the Ministry, so she had to repeat the year."
"Bloody hell, it's always the quiet ones... Well, that Irish auror said they'd all be given a trial under veritaserum, with precautions to stop them using the antidote or occlumency to resist it."
"That's good. Let's hope that the sentencing makes sense. Some of them can't have been Death Eaters more than a few weeks, how much harm could they have done? Cormac was a Quidditch reserve last year and I saw him in the showers loads of times, he didn't have the Dark Mark then."
"What about Draco?"
"He's still locked up somewhere in Grimmauld Place with Narcissa."
"Hadn't you better hand them over? You know he's a Death Eater, and you've seen him casting Unforgiveables."
"I was thinking I should wait to see what happens to the others first."
"Nice idea, Harry, but isn't that kidnapping them? You've got them locked up without a trial, wasn't that more or less what happened to Sirius? For all you know it could invalidate any trial, let the bastard get off scot-free."
"Bugger, you're right. Okay, I think the aurors are still here, I'll have a word with the one in charge and try to sort it out. Fingers crossed they won't end up arresting me!"
"Us, Harry, us. I'm responsible too. We both saw him committing a crime and made a citizen's arrest, and captured Narcissa for her own safety. We ought to be all right if we sort it out straight away."
"Okay, let's find them. We ought to be okay, the Minister did give us a pardon."
"Than let's sort it now before they decide the pardon doesn't apply any more!"
As Diana was carrying the last of the luggage through Constantine's portal she heard someone say "There you are," and looked around to see Mazikeen, who was wearing dark red leather trousers and boots and a Bat out of Hell T-shirt, with a featureless red half-mask covering the left side of her face.
Constantine closed the portal as Diana said "Yes. I think I owe you an apology."
"This ought to be interesting."
"I think I blamed you unfairly. You saw a Death Eater who still had his wand, you didn't know he was working against Voldemort."
"Accepted. Though it's a pity, I was hoping to test my steel against yours."
"We can still do that, but maybe we should do it somewhere more isolated, there are too many children here. But if you don't mind, some other time. The Gods finally arranged for me to find my lover last night, and we've a lot of catching up to do. Plus I need to find a witch and punish her for hiding him from me."
"And there's another opportunity I've missed," said Mazikeen, pretending sadness. "I've never had an Amazon lover."
"We mostly don't leave Themiscyra, and I doubt that the Queen would welcome you there, but I might be able to hook you up with someone. Let me have your contact details and I'll see what I can do. By the way, one of the students wishes to give you a gift, you killed one of the Death Eaters who tortured his parents..."
"Good evening, this is the Wizarding Wireless Network. Here is the news. Following nearly two weeks of uncertainty since the death of the so-called Lord Voldemort, the Acting Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt, called a press converence earlier today to make announcements regarding the future of Wizarding Britain."
"Let me begin by expressing my thanks to the brave members of various resistance groups who helped to overthrow Riddle's illegal government, and to the International Confederation of Wizards, to the Queen and Prime Minister and other members of the non-magical government, and to Gringott's Bank for their help in restoring legitimate government. It has been a hard process, and there is still much to be done."
"We face serious problems. More than a third of the former Wizengamot and approximately half of the Ministry's employees are currently dead or under arrest, at least four hundred and fifty witches and wizards were killed by the illegal regime, and several hundred muggle-born witches and wizards and their families have left the country and may be reluctant to return. Many records have been destroyed, partly by the Death Eaters, and partly by former Minister Thicknesse, who attempted to disrupt the illegal government once he'd broken free of Death Eater control. And more than half of the estimated contents of wizarding Britain's treasury are missing, including most of our gold reserve. We believe that much of it ended up under Riddle's control, and at this stage it isn't clear what has happened to the money. It's possible that the secret may have died with him. Additionally, the government ceased paying interest on various long-term loans when the Death Eaters took control, and we have now defaulted on those loans and face severe penalties from Gringotts and other financial institutions. In conseqence, we are effectively a bankrupt nation, unable to pay the expenses of government, and without help can expect a long-term financial crisis in which our government will be unable to recruit the personnel we need and pay them competitive wages, or undertake essential public works. Additionally, many public works were partially funded by donations from the Malfoy family and other suspect sources, who were essentially using the money to buy influence. It's likely that many of the donors will face imprisonment in the wake of Riddle's fall, and if that happens donations will probably cease."
"Fortunately the ICW and Muggle treasury have agreed on a loans package, to be administrated by Gringotts under joint supervision as part of a broader scheme of reforms to include full citizenship for goblins, centaurs, and other intelligent races, an end to the laws against non-human wand ownership, and representation of non-human races on the wizengamot. We will also reform our legal and penal system to comply with the European Convention on Human Rights, again extending to non-human intelligent races. Additional goals include educational reform, closer cooperation with the muggle authorities, and more transparency and openness in government, with the goal of ending the culture of bribes and cronyism which helped Riddle's rise to power, and more effective curbs on wasteful vanity projects such as the Tri-Wizard Tournament."
"The Minister went on to discuss the draft timetable for these changes and the first Death Eater trials which began earlier this week, and announced the award of the Order of Merlin Second Class to Argus Filch, Rubeus Hagrid, Neville Longbottom, Fred, George, and Percy Weasley and eight members of the ICW peacekeeping force. An additional twenty-seven third-class awards were made to other members of resistance groups and ICW forces. This follows last week's award of the Order of Merlin First Class to Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley. Awards have been declined by centaur and goblin representatives pending the reforms discussed earlier. A full list of the new awards will be published by the Daily Prophet tomorrow."
As the news moved on to other topics Hermione turned to Harry and Ron. "What do you make of it?"
"The money thing is worrying," said Harry, "but I'm not sure I understand the difference between currency and the gold reserve."
"You remember Goldfinger, and the big vaults full of gold? The real thing is the American currency reserve, but what they actually use for day to day money is paper notes. The gold is there as backup, the thing that the notes represent."
"Okay..." said Ron, "How does that apply to us? We use gold coins."
"Actually, we don't. Galleons are made of stabilized leprechaun gold. They represent the value of a galleon, but the actual gold each coin represents is a tiny fraction of a gram. If anyone was to try melting them down they'd vanish. Each coin is supposed to be standing in for that tiny bit of gold. So if there's less gold in the reserve, each coin represents a smaller amount of gold, and eventually it ends up so that the galleon is worth less and things cost more. It wouldn't surprise me if the value of the galleon ends up dropping to a pound or two if a lot of the reserve is gone."
"Okay... I think I sort of get that," said Harry. "Is borrowing money the best way to fix it?"
"Probably not, but every government seems to do it."
"Well, money apart," said Ron, ""It sounds like things are getting back under control. I just wish I could remember more of how we got there."
"Still no improvement?" asked Harry.
"Nothing - the last thing I remember clearly is throwing up after we got off the hover-thing. The healers are pretty sure I was hit by an obliviate during the battle, then I got the head injury on top of that so the usual cures for obliviation wouldn't work. It isn't likely there'll be much change."
"When you're fully recovered we could see about showing you our memories in a pensive," suggested Hermione. "It's not as good as remembering it for yourself, but at least you'll know most of what you did. It might even jog your own memory."
"Maybe, but we really don't want to mess things up even more, the last thing I want to do is lose more of my memory."
"Fair point," said Harry. "What did you think of the part about non-human races? They didn't actually mention house elves, but the way it was worded I can't see how they would be left out."
"I'm not so sure," said Hermione. "I got the impression that they're mostly doing it to get the goblins to help with the economy. The muggle government participation and the human rights thing are good, but I'm not sure I'm buying it as being purely altruistic. The goblins are going to milk it for every possible advantage. I remember what you told me old Binns said about the goblin revolts. I think that this time they they've pulled it off. It wouldn't surprise me if they were running magical Britain by the time this is all over."
"Well," said Harry, remembering something he'd seen in a cartoon on the Dursley's TV a few days before they'd fled from Privet Drive, "I'm not sure that would be entirely a bad thing, considering how god-awful a job the wizards have made of it the last few decades, and the ICW should make sure that the abuses aren't too bad. I for one welcome our new goblin overlords..."
End
(Epilogue to follow)
Notes:
I mixed up the LeStrange brothers in earlier chapters, and have edited chapters 19 and 28 to fix the discrepancies. I've also edited chapter 20 to clarify the current status of prefects.
Greek myth includes numerous centaurs, most of whom were killed stealing wine, attempting to abduct women, or fighting at weddings. See Wikipedia for the long list.
"I for one welcome our new ____ overlords" is one of those quotes everyone knows but is oddly difficult to pin down. It turns out to have come from a 1994 Simpsons episode, as "I for one welcome our new insect overlords," but is often claimed to be a reference to the 1970s film Empire of the Ants.
I've identified the story that gave me the idea for the gingerbread spell in chapter 17 - it's The House by Diane Duane, in the anthology Witch High edited by Denise Little.
We Can Rule You Wholesale is the title of the Ankh-Morporkh national anthem, from Terry Pratchett's Moving Pictures. It seems appropriate to a goblin financial coup.
Comments please before I post to archives!
Now archived with a few small changes
On Fanfiction.net
On Archive of Our Own
On Twisting the Hellmouth
XXXI: We Can Rule You Wholesale
"How are you feeling?" Neville asked the following morning.
"Weird," said Harry, helping himself to more bacon, "like my whole life revolved around getting one thing done, and now it's done and I really have no idea what comes next."
"I know what you mean. I actually killed Bellatrix LeStrange, got some revenge for my parents. They're not going to get any better though, are they?"
"Actually the whole lot are dead now; Rabastan died at Malfoy Manor, I think Mazikeen got him, and I heard Rodolphus was killed by the centaurs. Don't think there's any of them left now, unless it's a distant relative."
"Any idea what Mazikeen likes, or centaurs? I'll get them gift boxes or something."
"No idea about Mazikeen," said Diana, who was now wearing a grey dress with her lassoo as the belt. She took one of the empty seats and helped herself to kippers. "Centaurs like wine but you might want to be careful, they don't hold their drink well. The biggest massacre in centaur history was a fight at a wedding, when one family tried to steal another's wine."
Steve sat down next to her and took sausages, bacon, scrambled eggs, fried tomatoes, beans and toast. "They're interested in astronomy too," he said as he was cutting his food into bite-sized pieces, "the tribe in Arizona have subscriptions to the wizarding astronomy journals, and some of the no-maj ones too. But Diana's right about the booze, there were some problems because their territory overlapped native American lands where selling alcohol was illegal. Anything interesting happen overnight?"
"Professor Sprout said the Minister and Percy Weasley left really early this morning," said Neville. "I expect they've gone to the Ministry to sort things out. Fred and George left too."
"I hope they had some protection," said Harry, "there are probably still Death Eaters on the loose."
"There were some aurors with the Minister wearing ICW badges."
"Oh, okay, must be something Percy arranged, I suppose, he's been working with the ICW. And Fred and George can probably take care of themselves. With all of the top Death Eaters dead it should be a lot safer anyway."
"Reminds me, which of the LeStranges died first?" asked Lavender Brown, whose breakfast seemed to consist largely of fruit. "If there's an estate it might be important."
"Rabastan first, at Malfoy Manor," said Harry, "Rodolphus second, if he was killed before the battle ended, and Bellatrix last."
"That probably means Bellatrix's heir gets everything, and if there isn't an heir... not sure, but it might mean that the estate goes to Andromeda Tonks or Narcissa Malfoy, they were her sisters."
"Hope it's Andromeda," said Harry. "Her husband's muggle-born and last I heard they were on the run, they'll probably need the money to get back to normal. But I think she was disinherited by the Blacks. How do you know so much about them?"
"I've been thinking about a career in wizarding law, there was a really complicated inheritance case in the sixties. They spent a fortune sueing each other, in the end the lawyers were the only winners. I looked up the LeStrange and Black family trees when I was reading about it."
"I think I heard about that," said Neville. "Something about some baby that died when a muggle liner sank?"
"That's the one. It was really tragic, and mostly about people who were dead decades before the case went to court. A complete waste of time and money. After that the family was short of money, which is why Rodolphus eventually courted Bellatrix rather than someone who was... well, more or less sane. She was a Black, and they were rolling in it."
"What happened about that anyway?" asked Neville. "Is there a Black heir?"
"I inherited Sirius's house and a few thousand galleons," said Harry, "but I'm not the family's heir apart from that, as far as I know. I don't think there's any vast fortune anyway, the other Blacks gave most of it to Voldemort."
"The house might be entailed, if so Sirius probably couldn't have left it to you if there was another heir," said Lavender. "Ask the goblins, you might be in line for more."
"I suppose, but I'd sooner it went to Andromeda." Harry ate a little more, then turned to Diana. "What happened about Mazekeen?"
"Nothing so far. I asked the centaurs this morning, nobody's seen her since last night. I still need to settle matters with her, I'd rather not be blind-sided if she waits to attack me."
"Maybe it won't come to that. Anyway, did you see the Prophet this morning?"
"No. Anything interesting?"
Harry showed her the paper and grinned "Take a look at the headlines. They didn't even know what happened!"
SINISTER PLOT TO ISOLATE MAGICAL COMMUNITIES! FLOO FAILURES LINKED TO UNDESIRABLES!
HIPPOGRIFFS ATE MY KNEAZLES! HOGWARTS ATTACK ON STUDENT COVERED UP BY DUMBLEDORE!
PROPHET POTIONS PROBE CLEARS HOLYHEAD HARPIES! GWYNOG JONES DEFINITELY A WITCH!
CURSE-BREAKERS CONCLUDE "CANNONS ARE CRAP!"
Steve laughed. "The next issue ought to be entertaining. Bet they won't acknowledge their mistakes!"
"They're right about the Cannons though, I really don't know what Ron sees in them."
"Hello Harry."
Harry turned and got up. "Hi, Ginny. How have you been?" She was wearing jeans, trainers, and a Gryffindor jumper, and had a length of sticking-plaster on her cheek. "What happened to your face? Are you okay?"
"It's just a scratch, I got hit by a bit of stone from a blasting hex last night." She hugged him for a moment and said "It's been difficult. The Carrows didn't treat us well, especially anyone they thought was your friend. Poor Luna had it worst, she went out of her way to distract them from other people."
"I need to go to the infirmary and make sure she's okay."
"I just came from there; she's fine, or will be with more rest. Same for Hermione. I heard your scar was cured..." She lifted a lock of his hair. "That's looking a lot better. What happened?"
"Long story. What about Ron?"
"They're still potioning him, and talking about getting specialised healers from St. Mungos once the floo's working again."
"Damn. I hope he'll be okay."
While they were talking Neville moved over a seat so that there was a space next to Harry, and Ginny sat down and helped herself to cornflakes.
"Ginny, I'd like to introduce you to Princess Diana of Themiscrya and Steve Trevor. Diana, Steve, this is Ron's sister Ginny. She taught me that bat bogey hex and a lot of the other spells I used on Riddle."
"Hello," said Ginny, looking a little uncertain.
"It's nice to meet you," said Diana, "I just wish the circumstances were better."
"Don't be ridiculous, Ron's probably going to be okay and you and Harry just got rid of Voldemort, that bastard possessed me for most of a year. Are you sure that he's gone for good this time?"
"Certain, my uncle has guaranteed it."
"How does he know? Is he a seer?"
"Ginny," said Harry, "Diana's a demigodess. Her uncle is Hades. If he says Tom's completely dead you can believe it. The bastard's gone for good!"
"Oh, thank Merlin... Wait a minute, a demigoddess? Seriously?"
"Seriously," said Diana. "My mother is Queen Hippolyta of the Amazons, my father is Zeus." There were startled glances from some of the other Gryffindors, who were hearing this for the first time.
"And Harry just walked up to you and said 'Do you want to help me destroy an evil wizard?' or something?"
"We accidentally portkeyed into Diana's house a couple of weeks ago," said Harry. "It's a long story."
"And Ron was with you when you did this?"
"Yes, why not?"
"I don't know much about demigoddesses, but you must have the patience of a saint if you put up with him for more than a couple of hours."
Diana shrugged. "He was a little suspicious at first, but reasonably polite once we got to know each other."
"Bloody hell! Hermione must have put some serious time into training him to be a bit more civilized."
"She does seem to have a way with the weaker sex."
"Hey!" said Steve.
"No argument from me," said Harry, "I wouldn't dare. Every woman I know kicks arse, especially Ginny and Hermione."
"You have him well trained," said Diana.
Ginny nodded graciously. "It's a work in progress, but we're getting there."
Neville started laughing, then stopped as Ginny and Hannah glared at him.
A small flock of owls flew in, each of them carrying a rolled-up paper. One of them flew to Harry, and he tipped it a sickle and unrolled a special issue of the Quibbler:
POTTER AND PRINCESS VANQUISH VOLDEMORT!
DEATH-EATERS, DEMENTORS AND DEMON DEFEATED!
HUGE BATTLE AT HOGWARTS CLAIMS MANY LIVES: NO SNORKAKS HURT!
The cover photo showed some of the prisoners and their guards, with most of the prisoners looking villainous and trying to hide their faces from the camera. "Looks like they're a bit more on the ball than the Prophet. Wonder how they found out so fast?"
"I sent a patronus to Luna's dad as soon as I was sure she was out of danger, of course," said Ginny. "He got here twenty minutes later, visited Luna, took a few pictures and got statements from the Head and the Minister, then went home and put a special issue together."
"That's pretty good going," said Steve, "though I'm surprised he didn't interview Diana or Harry."
"I think you'd all gone to bed," said Neville, "it was about two by the time he was finished."
"There'll probably be more reporters here soon," said Ginny. "We're just lucky that it's a long way to apparate and the floo is still down. If we were closer to London the Prophet would be all over us. Anyway, I hope things are a bit more sorted by Friday."
"Why Friday?" asked Diana.
"Hermione's birthday. She'll be eighteen."
"Reminds me," said Harry, "her present's in my suitcase, and that's still in that motel in Salisbury. It's a bit far to apparate safely."
"When John's around I'll get him to open one of his portals to my car, then back here once I've collected everyone's luggage and checked out. Has anyone seen him this morning?"
"Not yet. He was using a lot of magic last night, I suppose he was pretty tired. I expect that once he's up they'll want him to open a portal to get the people they evacuated, so we might have to leave the luggage until later."
Another flock of owls visited the evacuees in the Forest of Dean at around the same time.
"What the hell?" said Daphne, scanning the Quibbler headlines. "Demon summoning? What sort of idiot summons demons?"
"Says here it was the Dark Lord," said Rose Zeller, reading another copy. "Explains quite a lot, maybe he sold his nose for satanic powers. Harry Potter killed him again, maybe this time he'll stay dead."
Daphne showed part of the story to Pansy. "I think you'd better forget about marrying Draco. Lucius is dead, nobody's sure what happened to Draco and Narcissa, and Malfoy Manor collapsed last night. Pretty sure your dad will want to call off the engagement."
Pansy began to sob, and Daphne patted her back.
"It might not be that bad," said Rose. "You can't trust the Quibbler. Look, they're claiming here that that weird woman in bronze armour we saw last night is Princess Diana, and a demigoddess. That's bonkers. Everyone knows Princess Diana was killed a couple of weeks ago."
"Not the muggle Princess Diana," said Daphne. "It says this one's a princess of Themiscyra, that's the original Amazon homeland, and the legends say their queen was seduced by Zeus. There could be something in it. It might be interesting if it's true, Dad was looking for more marketing opportunities in that area. Oh, hang on, it says they don't allow men on their island. Interesting..."
"Really?"
"Dad would have to appoint a woman to manage business with them. Dad's been teaching me the business for a few years now, that would be a great way to get started."
"Always assuming they want to buy anything you're selling."
"There is that, I suppose. I'll try to have a word with her once we're back in the castle, do a little market research."
Pansy wiped her eyes. "The thing is... I think my father might have been at Malfoy Manor or Hogwarts last night. And he isn't in the pictures of the prisoners."
"Oh crap. Was he marked?"
Pansy nodded.
"But you're not?"
"No."
"That's good. Once we get out of here talk to Sluggy, see if he can help at all. He was head of Slytherin in eighty-one, he must have had a lot of people in your boat then. He might be able to pull a few strings."
One of the Ravenclaw prefects blew a whistle and shouted for attention. "Listen everyone, Professor McGonegall just sent a patronus. We need to be packed and ready to leave at eleven-thirty, they're going to open another of those portals. Everyone please get ready, and check that there's nothing left here that might cause problems with the muggles, we'll have to take down the wards as we leave."
"About bloody time," said Rose. "Okay, we've got an hour or so, start by checking around where you slept, and accio all your belongings, that ought to account for most things. And for Merlin's sake don't leave your wand behind! Ollivander disappeared somewhere, you might have a hard time getting a replacement. Once we're okay we'd better help make sure the younger kids are all right, half of them won't know the summoning spell yet."
"Fun, fun, fun," said Daphne. "Pansy, let me give you a hand..."
"Zurich approved your suggestion with a few small changes," said Tonguetongs, "it ties in nicely with the contingency plans we developed after Fudge took office. Assuming all goes well your promotion should be confirmed by the end of next month."
"And if it doesn't?" asked Switchblade.
Tonguetongs pursed his lips and made a "tsk" noise. "That might be... unfortunate. For your prospects, and for your continued health, as I'm sure you are fully aware."
Switchblade nodded respectfully. "I am."
"Excellent. Now, I'm assigning you to the Hogwarts team, they'll be ready to leave in a few minutes. Please bear in mind that the students are potential customers, and try not to maim anyone."
Switchblade cracked his knuckles. "Of course."
"And that applies to the rest of the team too. I'm holding you responsible if there are any mishaps."
"Naturally."
"Lastly, make sure that Potter is on board with handing over the prisoners; you may need to make a few concessions, it isn't exactly what we originally agreed but we definitely need him on board, a lot may depend on it. He's probably the biggest hero the wizards have right now, we need him on our side when we negotiate. Understood?"
"Understood."
Tonguetongs handed Switchblade a scroll case with the Gringotts crest above the lock. "Good. Here are the papers you'll need. Oh, and welcome to the management team. Now get moving, you've a portkey to catch."
Harry was returning to the guest rooms when Minerva caught up with him.
"Here's your timetable, Mister Potter. Normal lessons will resume on Monday. You've missed two weeks of lessons, I would suggest using the remainder of this week to get up to speed as time permits. Here's the book list and an owl order form for any you need, and this is a list of the topics covered in the lessons you've missed."
Harry scanned the papers. "Okay, that should be doable, Hermione was giving us some tuition while we were on the run so we shouldn't be too far behind. Defence is Monday afternoon though... I'm pretty sure Carrow was rounded up with the prisoners last night, who's going to be teaching it?"
"Professor Flitwick will be teaching NEWT classes pending the appointment of a replacement. He's an experienced duellist. Other teachers will share the lower years. It will be difficult but we should cope."
"Great, he ought to be brilliant. Any ideas on the replacement?"
"I was hoping to get Professor Lupin back, but given that last night was the full moon it might be a day or two before he's up to replying to my owl."
"That would be great but there might be a complication. I don't know if you heard, Tonks is pregnant."
"That was fast! I hadn't heard from them, that's excellent news. We have accommodation for married staff and Poppy Pomfrey is a fully-qualified midwife so that shouldn't be a problem. Nymphadora might even be able to do a little teaching, you never know. But I really must get on, mister Constantine will be opening his portal again in twenty minutes, and the elves are still sorting out dormitories for the Ravenclaws while their tower is being rebuilt. That reminds me, Madame Pomfrey has stressed that you need to get some rest, and I should imagine that things in the dorms will be rather boisterous for the first few evenings. Stay in the guest room for now, we can get you moved back in at the weekend."
"Okay, Professor."
"One more thing... I don't think that any of the prefects appointed by Professor Snape will be continuing in that role. Since Mister Weasley was a prefect last year I would have offered him the position again, but it's likely that he will need several weeks to convalesce. If that is the case would you be willing to take his place?"
Harry thought for a second. "I'm not sure it's a good idea. I've a feeling that the Wizengamut will want me to answer a lot of questions while they're sorting this mess, I'm not sure I'd be able to handle being a prefect too. And I think someone else had better take over as Quidditch captain for the same reason. Um... how about Neville for the prefect job? And Ginny for captain?"
"Those aren't bad idea. Now, I must be on my way."
"Do you mind if I come down and watch?"
"By all means. But be careful, it's possible that some of the returning students will be... well, unhappy with the way things have come out."
"Let's hope they'll be relieved it's all over."
As Minerva and Harry went down to the Great Hall an invisible figure spoke to the gargoyle that controlled access to the Head's office, trying several words and phrases before succeeding with "Scottish tablet," a type of toffee she knew Minerva liked. It moved to one side, and the figure rose up with the stairs, casting muffling spells into the office, tapped the ornament that lowered shutters over the paintings, then moved to Dumbledore's portrait, cast another spell isolating it so that his image couldn't move out and no other portrait could move in, raised the shutter and said "Hello, Headmaster."
"Miss Granger? I can't see you."
"No, Headmaster. I've been asked to handle a problem, and I'd prefer not to do it in front of witnesses. I'm sorry, but it really is for the greater good."
"Would you at least tell me what this is about?"
"The Deathly Hallows. You still believe that they're real."
"Of course they're real, I've seen all three of them."
"You've seen a wand that drives its user mad, a stone that gives its user a limited ability to summon the souls of the dead, and an improved cloak of invisibility. And you've believed a fairy tale... Death didn't make them or give them away, she wasn't even interested in the wand or the cloak. There's no connection between the three, apart from Beedle the bloody Bard, who mashed together three old stories that originally had nothing in common and put the blame on Death."
"I can't accept that, the evidence is overwhelming..."
"What evidence? There's nothing left except the cloak and a bunch of amateur historians and folklorists who think everything has to be related. Did you even bother to find the original story of the wand? It took Diana about three minutes to look it up, it has nothing to do with Death, and it's a lot more convincing than Beedle's kiddie version."
"Nonsense!"
"The trouble is that you know that Harry could have had all three of them, which didn't actually happens but means that you probably think that he's the Master of Death. And Death really isn't happy about that - not because it endangers Harry, she really doesn't play favourites, but because it's an idea that keeps getting people killed, and makes people annoy her by trying to trick her. If someone takes it seriously and tries to take the Hallows from Harry it'll just start another long history of pointless murder. Fortunately only you and Snape knew that he had them, and by now Snape is headed off to whatever afterlife he's destined for."
"How do you know?"
"Death told me, of course."
"Then ownership of the Hallows passed to you!"
"Nope. I told you, Death had the stone before we even saw the Wand, and that was destroyed at Malfoy Manor without any of us even touching it. And they were never really a set anyway. Now you won't change your mind, I'm afraid, because you aren't actually a real person, you're a recording. So I'm going to have to change it for you. A couple of Confundus spells and Obliviations should convince you that you wasted decades on a wild goose chase, and you'll say that if anyone mentions the story. But I think I need to give you some other ideas that you might have got interested in towards the end of your life. Hmmm... you like sweets, what's your opinion of the Rotfang Conspiracy...?"
"Headmistress," said Filch, scurrying to meet them outside the Great Hall, followed by six aurors and a dozen or so goblins, most of them carrying probity probes, "the Minister sent a security team."
Minerva arched an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Eamon Quinn," said one of the aurors, with a strong Irish accent, "we're with the ICW peacekeeping force assigned to Britain. And these gentlemen work for Gringotts, they'll be helping with security."
"Junior Manager Switchblade," said one of the goblins, who was wearing dragonhide armour with a battle-axe sheathed on his back, and carrying a scroll case. "We're here to help check for contraband, and I have some papers for Mister Potter to sign. Is he around?"
"That's me," said Harry.
He looked at Harry and nodded. "So it is. Last night you left some prisoners in Gringotts custody. The ICW aurors want to question them, I need you to sign off on Gringotts handing them over."
Harry thought fast. "Doesn't that affect the contract we negotiated last night?"
"The ICW has agreed to pay for their accommodation and provisions while they were in our custody, so there won't be any charges in that respect. All other conditions remain unchanged."
"Is that the best you can do?"
Switchblade sucked his teeth thoughtfully. "As a gesture of good will Gringotts is willing to reduce your commitment to two advertisements, one interview, not with Rita Skeeter, and one poster."
"One advertisement, one interview, no posters."
"One advertisement, one interview, one poster. Best I can do."
Harry thought for a moment. "Okay, I can live with that. What do I have to sign?"
"Mister Potter," said Minerva, "Junior Manager Switchblade, is this really the time? Mister Constantine will be retrieving most of our students in a few minutes."
"There is always time for business, Headmistress." Switchblade tapped the scroll case on the floor and it transformed into a small table with a copy of the contract and a quill sitting on it. "Let's see... cancel the charges, one advertisement, one interview, one poster." He snapped his fingers and the wording changed. "Sign there, and initial there and there. This is a blood quill, so it may sting a little."
"I know. What happens if you snap your fingers again after I've signed?"
Switchblade looked offended. "Wouldn't work, the signatures lock the contract."
"Five minutes!" shouted Constantine.
"Okay," said Harry, signing as directed.
Switchblade signed for the bank. "Pleasure doing business with you, Mister Potter." He tapped the contract and it rolled into a scroll, and the table turned back into a tube around it. "London office!" The tube vanished. "Right then, let's get into the hall."
Harry followed them, wondering if he should have mentioned the Malfoys, and decided that he'd wait to see how the prisoners were being treated. It would be pointless handing them over if they were going to use the Imperius defence to escape justice, and if they were summarily executed... well, he'd have to think very carefully before handing them over. Though it would solve a lot of problems...
The aurors set up magical barriers around the hall. When they were done there was some space for the arriving students, with four narrow corridors leading to the main exit, each closed by gates guarded by an auror and two goblins with spears or probity probes. Constantine was in the middle of the hall, Switchblade and the remaining aurors waited outside the barrier, along with Harry and Minerva. The rest of the goblins were in the hall with Constantine, and Harry guessed they were there to defend him if anyone tried to attack him.
"Okay," shouted Constantine, making a complicated gesture which somehow left a trail of golden light, forming a strange geometric pattern in the air. Just looking at it made Harry's eyes water. Constantine touched two of the lines and seemed to manipulate them somehow, and a portal appeared in place of the pattern, a circular hole in the air about eight feet wide and high, with the Forest of Dean visible beyond it. Constantine whistled loudly, then shouted "Everyone come through as quick as you can, but don't touch the edges of the portal unless you want to lose fingers. Come on, I haven't got all bloody day, this is hard work." He stood back a few feet from the portal with his arms stretched, and Harry guessed that he was holding it open. His hands were glowing with the same golden light.
The first students came through, and soon they were milling around in the hall. Anyone who came too near to Constantine was waved back by the goblins. After a couple of minutes the flood of students slowed to a trickle. "Anyone left?" asked Constantine.
"No, that's everyone."
"Right, let's have the house elves," said Quinn. Twenty or more house elves appeared in the hall, and he said "Get through there and make sure that no kids are staying behind, recover any property that's been left, then take the barriers down. Can you get back by yourselves if I close the portal?" They went through into the forest, and one of the elves came back and said "Yes, elves can do that."
"Good lads. Right, hop back through there and everyone stand well clear, shut it down once they're clear." Constantine clapped his hands together and the golden light flew back to the portal, which closed in a few seconds. He and the goblins headed for one of the exits.
Quinn cast "Sonorus" then said "Right, everyone listen carefully. We need to check everyone for contraband before you return to your dormitories. We're going to start with the first years then second and so on. First years, form orderly queues at the exits, you'll be let through one at a time, checked with probity probes then let through into the castle. If you're carrying anything that registers as a weapon or dark magic you will be portkeyed to a holding area for questioning. If you're in doubt I'd strongly suggest showing the aurors what you're carrying. We're not interested in prank items, that's the school's problem. Any questions?"
One of the second-year Ravenclaws said "What about dung bombs and fanged frisbees?"
"Prank items. Any serious questions? No... Right then, come through one at a time as the goblins let you pass." He ended the amplification spell, and the students began to pass through.
"I can't believe that there were nine Death Eaters in the sixth and seventh years," said Hermione.
"Sixteen," said Harry, "Snape's ghost got Peeves to drug another seven in the Slytherin dungeons before they evacuated."
"I can believe Cormac as one of them, he was always an arse, but Sally-Anne Perks? She was always really quiet, you hardly knew she was there most of the time, I didn't even know she was a pure-blood. Of course they held her back a year when she missed the summer term and all her OWLs, that can't have helped."
"What was that about? Nobody ever really said."
"Word was she had a nervous breakdown over the Easter break and ran away from home, they eventually caught up with her after the muggle police arrested her for possession of drugs at the Notting Hill Carnival that August. She wasn't in a fit state to take late OWLs at the Ministry, so she had to repeat the year."
"Bloody hell, it's always the quiet ones... Well, that Irish auror said they'd all be given a trial under veritaserum, with precautions to stop them using the antidote or occlumency to resist it."
"That's good. Let's hope that the sentencing makes sense. Some of them can't have been Death Eaters more than a few weeks, how much harm could they have done? Cormac was a Quidditch reserve last year and I saw him in the showers loads of times, he didn't have the Dark Mark then."
"What about Draco?"
"He's still locked up somewhere in Grimmauld Place with Narcissa."
"Hadn't you better hand them over? You know he's a Death Eater, and you've seen him casting Unforgiveables."
"I was thinking I should wait to see what happens to the others first."
"Nice idea, Harry, but isn't that kidnapping them? You've got them locked up without a trial, wasn't that more or less what happened to Sirius? For all you know it could invalidate any trial, let the bastard get off scot-free."
"Bugger, you're right. Okay, I think the aurors are still here, I'll have a word with the one in charge and try to sort it out. Fingers crossed they won't end up arresting me!"
"Us, Harry, us. I'm responsible too. We both saw him committing a crime and made a citizen's arrest, and captured Narcissa for her own safety. We ought to be all right if we sort it out straight away."
"Okay, let's find them. We ought to be okay, the Minister did give us a pardon."
"Than let's sort it now before they decide the pardon doesn't apply any more!"
As Diana was carrying the last of the luggage through Constantine's portal she heard someone say "There you are," and looked around to see Mazikeen, who was wearing dark red leather trousers and boots and a Bat out of Hell T-shirt, with a featureless red half-mask covering the left side of her face.
Constantine closed the portal as Diana said "Yes. I think I owe you an apology."
"This ought to be interesting."
"I think I blamed you unfairly. You saw a Death Eater who still had his wand, you didn't know he was working against Voldemort."
"Accepted. Though it's a pity, I was hoping to test my steel against yours."
"We can still do that, but maybe we should do it somewhere more isolated, there are too many children here. But if you don't mind, some other time. The Gods finally arranged for me to find my lover last night, and we've a lot of catching up to do. Plus I need to find a witch and punish her for hiding him from me."
"And there's another opportunity I've missed," said Mazikeen, pretending sadness. "I've never had an Amazon lover."
"We mostly don't leave Themiscyra, and I doubt that the Queen would welcome you there, but I might be able to hook you up with someone. Let me have your contact details and I'll see what I can do. By the way, one of the students wishes to give you a gift, you killed one of the Death Eaters who tortured his parents..."
"Good evening, this is the Wizarding Wireless Network. Here is the news. Following nearly two weeks of uncertainty since the death of the so-called Lord Voldemort, the Acting Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt, called a press converence earlier today to make announcements regarding the future of Wizarding Britain."
"Let me begin by expressing my thanks to the brave members of various resistance groups who helped to overthrow Riddle's illegal government, and to the International Confederation of Wizards, to the Queen and Prime Minister and other members of the non-magical government, and to Gringott's Bank for their help in restoring legitimate government. It has been a hard process, and there is still much to be done."
"We face serious problems. More than a third of the former Wizengamot and approximately half of the Ministry's employees are currently dead or under arrest, at least four hundred and fifty witches and wizards were killed by the illegal regime, and several hundred muggle-born witches and wizards and their families have left the country and may be reluctant to return. Many records have been destroyed, partly by the Death Eaters, and partly by former Minister Thicknesse, who attempted to disrupt the illegal government once he'd broken free of Death Eater control. And more than half of the estimated contents of wizarding Britain's treasury are missing, including most of our gold reserve. We believe that much of it ended up under Riddle's control, and at this stage it isn't clear what has happened to the money. It's possible that the secret may have died with him. Additionally, the government ceased paying interest on various long-term loans when the Death Eaters took control, and we have now defaulted on those loans and face severe penalties from Gringotts and other financial institutions. In conseqence, we are effectively a bankrupt nation, unable to pay the expenses of government, and without help can expect a long-term financial crisis in which our government will be unable to recruit the personnel we need and pay them competitive wages, or undertake essential public works. Additionally, many public works were partially funded by donations from the Malfoy family and other suspect sources, who were essentially using the money to buy influence. It's likely that many of the donors will face imprisonment in the wake of Riddle's fall, and if that happens donations will probably cease."
"Fortunately the ICW and Muggle treasury have agreed on a loans package, to be administrated by Gringotts under joint supervision as part of a broader scheme of reforms to include full citizenship for goblins, centaurs, and other intelligent races, an end to the laws against non-human wand ownership, and representation of non-human races on the wizengamot. We will also reform our legal and penal system to comply with the European Convention on Human Rights, again extending to non-human intelligent races. Additional goals include educational reform, closer cooperation with the muggle authorities, and more transparency and openness in government, with the goal of ending the culture of bribes and cronyism which helped Riddle's rise to power, and more effective curbs on wasteful vanity projects such as the Tri-Wizard Tournament."
"The Minister went on to discuss the draft timetable for these changes and the first Death Eater trials which began earlier this week, and announced the award of the Order of Merlin Second Class to Argus Filch, Rubeus Hagrid, Neville Longbottom, Fred, George, and Percy Weasley and eight members of the ICW peacekeeping force. An additional twenty-seven third-class awards were made to other members of resistance groups and ICW forces. This follows last week's award of the Order of Merlin First Class to Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley. Awards have been declined by centaur and goblin representatives pending the reforms discussed earlier. A full list of the new awards will be published by the Daily Prophet tomorrow."
As the news moved on to other topics Hermione turned to Harry and Ron. "What do you make of it?"
"The money thing is worrying," said Harry, "but I'm not sure I understand the difference between currency and the gold reserve."
"You remember Goldfinger, and the big vaults full of gold? The real thing is the American currency reserve, but what they actually use for day to day money is paper notes. The gold is there as backup, the thing that the notes represent."
"Okay..." said Ron, "How does that apply to us? We use gold coins."
"Actually, we don't. Galleons are made of stabilized leprechaun gold. They represent the value of a galleon, but the actual gold each coin represents is a tiny fraction of a gram. If anyone was to try melting them down they'd vanish. Each coin is supposed to be standing in for that tiny bit of gold. So if there's less gold in the reserve, each coin represents a smaller amount of gold, and eventually it ends up so that the galleon is worth less and things cost more. It wouldn't surprise me if the value of the galleon ends up dropping to a pound or two if a lot of the reserve is gone."
"Okay... I think I sort of get that," said Harry. "Is borrowing money the best way to fix it?"
"Probably not, but every government seems to do it."
"Well, money apart," said Ron, ""It sounds like things are getting back under control. I just wish I could remember more of how we got there."
"Still no improvement?" asked Harry.
"Nothing - the last thing I remember clearly is throwing up after we got off the hover-thing. The healers are pretty sure I was hit by an obliviate during the battle, then I got the head injury on top of that so the usual cures for obliviation wouldn't work. It isn't likely there'll be much change."
"When you're fully recovered we could see about showing you our memories in a pensive," suggested Hermione. "It's not as good as remembering it for yourself, but at least you'll know most of what you did. It might even jog your own memory."
"Maybe, but we really don't want to mess things up even more, the last thing I want to do is lose more of my memory."
"Fair point," said Harry. "What did you think of the part about non-human races? They didn't actually mention house elves, but the way it was worded I can't see how they would be left out."
"I'm not so sure," said Hermione. "I got the impression that they're mostly doing it to get the goblins to help with the economy. The muggle government participation and the human rights thing are good, but I'm not sure I'm buying it as being purely altruistic. The goblins are going to milk it for every possible advantage. I remember what you told me old Binns said about the goblin revolts. I think that this time they they've pulled it off. It wouldn't surprise me if they were running magical Britain by the time this is all over."
"Well," said Harry, remembering something he'd seen in a cartoon on the Dursley's TV a few days before they'd fled from Privet Drive, "I'm not sure that would be entirely a bad thing, considering how god-awful a job the wizards have made of it the last few decades, and the ICW should make sure that the abuses aren't too bad. I for one welcome our new goblin overlords..."
End
(Epilogue to follow)
Notes:
I mixed up the LeStrange brothers in earlier chapters, and have edited chapters 19 and 28 to fix the discrepancies. I've also edited chapter 20 to clarify the current status of prefects.
Greek myth includes numerous centaurs, most of whom were killed stealing wine, attempting to abduct women, or fighting at weddings. See Wikipedia for the long list.
"I for one welcome our new ____ overlords" is one of those quotes everyone knows but is oddly difficult to pin down. It turns out to have come from a 1994 Simpsons episode, as "I for one welcome our new insect overlords," but is often claimed to be a reference to the 1970s film Empire of the Ants.
I've identified the story that gave me the idea for the gingerbread spell in chapter 17 - it's The House by Diane Duane, in the anthology Witch High edited by Denise Little.
We Can Rule You Wholesale is the title of the Ankh-Morporkh national anthem, from Terry Pratchett's Moving Pictures. It seems appropriate to a goblin financial coup.
Comments please before I post to archives!
Now archived with a few small changes
