The Missing Martian

[ffutures]

I've scanned the third and last of the stories I wrote for the Midnight Rose Collective's fiction anthologies.

This one's from The Weerde: Book 2, the second in a series of books set in a world in which there are shape-changing primordial beings living amongst humanity. I'd rather not say much more about the background, since it builds up over the two books and works best if read that way.

Influences on this one include Raymond Chandler, Rex Stout, Ed McBain (who suggested the name of a detective), and numerous other crime writers of the forties and fifties. Most of the other character names are anagrams of bits of my name; the exception is Louis Ginsberg, a distant relative of my great-grandparents. One wasn't invented by me - Claude R Worlsman first appeared in the Call of Cthulhu module Statue of the Sorcerer by Chris Elliot and Richard Edwards, published by Games Workshop in the days when they were an RPG company.

On the whole I'm reasonably happy with this story, even after 12 years, though I think I would change the last few paragraphs a little if I were writing it today.

As usual I would be grateful for comments on spelling errors, typos, etc.

The Missing Martian

Comments

[ffutures.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the errors. Yes, I think he must have changed his mind, and yes, that was a Raiders reference.

[ggreig]

About half of the "errors" I spotted are when Sophie's talking, so they may be part of her style of speech - particularly as she's severely been bashed about facially. However, I figured if I include them anyway it's easy enough to ignore any for which that's true.

the dependents of bank. guards.

Superfluous full-stop.

.'Eighteen months.'

Superfluous full-stop.

the guy who used to sell encyclopaedias

Not really an error, but could use æ here.

For all know, your boyfriend is holding him.

For all I know...

You had to lister closely

listen

She took a quid snort, coughed, and pushed it away.

This could be slang I don't know, but I'm guessing it should be quick rather than quid.

Sophie: Do I ever.

"Should" have a question mark, but omitting it OK for tone.

Sophie: Creep tried put me away for saying was Cream that cut me up.

...tried to put me away...

Sophie: Hope they rots in Hell, both them.

...both of them.

Sophie: There plenty doctors in city to fix a girl for fifty bucks.

There are plenty ... in the city...

Sophie: Now again. Give me another shot.

Now and again.

Sophie: He know someone runs baby farm.

He knows someone who runs a baby farm.

Sophie: What's worth?

What's it worth?

Sophie: That I don'know.

Missing space.

Maybe hell want to keep her.

Missing apostrophe.

but Judge Dell packed a lot of clout, They

Comma should be full stop.

I 'got up and walked over to the fireplace

Superfluous apostrophe.

Worth reading for the quip about having bumped off the bad guy alone.

[ffutures.livejournal.com]

Thanks - the Sophie stuff is how it's supposed to be, the rest is errors.

I felt really pleased with myself when I wrote the "Iced Cream" joke - glad someone finally spotted it! Only taken 12 years...

[ffutures.livejournal.com]

Corrected version now posted.

[dsample.livejournal.com]

I spotted it, I just didn't comment on it.